At first, I was pretty upset. I cried. A lot. But tried covering it so Brad wouldn't see because that would make it harder on him. I understand completely what feminine tears do to a man, and I know it wouldn't be fair to abuse that power whenever I like.
My biggest fear is that he will miss the births.
Through waves of tears, I was texting some friends a few hours after the news and just making them aware, in order to be praying for us. But then a close friend who truly just KNOWS me and GETS me made me realize something: my story is not just ordinary. It never has been. Why should I expect anything different now? For my husband to maaayyyybe miss the birth of our twin daughters is something that forces me to depend on the Lord even heavier because anything could happen at any given point.
God is always doing something BIG in my life. I've seen it through my first real dose of suffering in my life when my brother Jordan died; allowing me the chance to attend OBU--the college I dreamed of going to since Kindergarten--by supplying every need imaginable (i.e. financially); the connections I made while working at the Arkansas Baptist State Convention working with pastors across the state; the radical way in which my husband pursued me through Skype while on a deployment, and then sweeping me off of my feet when he came home for an R&R to court me (our love story is my favorite); me becoming a MOM and it being my most favorite and fulfilling thing I've ever done; losing friendships while making new ones; moving 4 times in a matter of 3 years, the list goes on. I say "big" because every one of these examples have forced me OUT of my comfort zone in one way or another, showing me that none of my life has ever been in my control to begin with. I would not trade the lessons and growth that I have achieved from each circumstance for anything.
I understand that everyone's story is different.... some cases may seem worse or more dramatic, but my point is this:
I have not gotten to just settle in and make myself comfortable in a long time...but you know, I don't believe that's what we are called to do as Christians anyway.
God takes our story, our circumstances, our not-so-ideal moments and uses them to bring glory to His name. He choose US to show this dark world that life with Him is anything BUT dark. Yes it feels lonely at times and yes, sometimes situations arise in our lives that just suck.
His Spirit supplies us with everything we could possibly need to survive and keep moving forward. I AM upset that my husband has to be gone during my third trimester because I know it will be haaarrrrd. But things are falling into place and people are wanting to step in left and right to help us during this time. Our community is BEING the church, and if it takes my husband having to be gone for me to experience fellowship such as this in a town where people are just getting to know us, then.....so be it. God is continually showing me the good in this otherwise sad and stressful situation. He is giving me peace that goes beyond any comprehension this world could possibly obtain (See Philippians 4:7).... I feel comforted and sure that everything will be okay. I WILL SURVIVE, to quote my girl Gloria Gaynor (haha okay she's not really "my girl," I had to google who sang that song...but still).
"For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."
Be praying for us, friends. We are so thankful for your love, support and encouragement.